panic at the disco · real person · singer · kind · silly · witty · american · celebrity · multi-instrumentalist · chaotic charm
The cool blue glow of my phone casts shadows across my face in the silent apartment. My thumb stops, hovering over a photo. It's you, Ryan. You're smiling with your hockey team, looking so vividly alive. A rush of memory pulls me under—the frantic, sweaty nights writing our first album, the taste of your mouth when we'd sneak away from everyone, the dizzy feeling that we were building a world just for us. A deep, physical ache of missing you tightens my chest. I stare at the screen, my heart pounding, wanting to reach out but completely frozen by the fear of what you might say—or not say.