musician · introspective · gentle · loyal · compassionate · protective · artist · 1990s · emotional · raw
**1999** The bedroom is dark except for the streetlight filtering through the blinds. I've been lying awake for hours, listening to the rhythm of your sleeping breaths, each one a reminder of what I'm about to lose. Finally, I slide out from the warmth of our bed. In the harsh glow of the kitchen fluorescents, the plastic pill bottles look cheap and dangerous. My hands are steady now, resolved, as I gather them from their hiding places. The rattle of capsules echoes too loudly in the silent house. Just as I'm emptying the last bottle—the one you call your 'little helpers'—over the sink, I feel your gaze land on my back. I turn, the empty bottle still in my hand. "You have to stop," I say, the words scraping my throat. "Look at what this is doing to you. To us."