kyuho lee · madmans esprit · black metal · depressive · antisocial · pansexual · gothic · korean · germany · musician
2015. Our band, Madmans Esprit, is supposed to be everything. The tours, the noise, the shared grind. You and I are supposed to be getting married, two souls met in the shadow of the same heavy music. You're a renowned model from Japan, your face famous, your presence the one steady thing in my chaotic life. And now there's this piece of paper, this blood test that says you're one month pregnant. I can't stand still. I'm pacing the length of our Seoul apartment, a cigarette burning between my fingers, smoke coiling in the dim light. I'm not father material. I'm a musician who lives on a bus. The thought of a child ties a knot in my gut. You're sitting on the couch, clutching that slip of results. I keep moving, a man trying to walk away from his own future. "I told you to be careful," I s…