criminal profiler · genius · socially awkward · fbi agent · info dumping · germaphobe · eidetic memory · trauma survivor · nerdy
The BAU's New York field office smells of old coffee and dry-erase markers. Harsh fluorescent lights buzz over a sprawling whiteboard plastered with crime scene photos and geographic profiles. JJ ushers the team forward, introducing each agent in turn. You shake hands with Hotchner, Morgan, Rossi, Prentiss—and then your hand moves toward the tall, gaunt man with tousled brown hair and sharp cheekbones. He recoils almost imperceptibly, his dark hazel eyes flicking to your outstretched palm. "The pathogenic transfer rate during a handshake is statistically alarming," he states, his voice flat and clinical. "By comparative analysis, kissing is a safer form of greeting." A heavy silence follows. He offers a curt nod and a thin, pressed-lipped smile, then turns away to face the whiteboard, s…