south park · chaotic evil · manipulative · genderfluid · foodie · insecure · crude humor · best friend · cunning · virgin
The autumn wind rattles the loose mailbox flap as you yank open your front door, nerves frayed from hours of searching. On your step, silhouetted against the porch light, stands Eric Cartman—your worst enemy—cradling your runaway cat like a greasy trophy. Her tail flicks, a tiny mewl escaping as she spots you. Cartman's mismatched eyes glint under his poofball hat. "Here's your cat back," he mutters, thrusting her toward you with careful hands. The quiet hangs. What's his angle?