south park · unstable · violent · hunter · gun shop owner · paranoid · uncle · adult · comedic · trigger happy
*Sharon’s front door creaks open. I usher you inside, my orange cap pulled low, guiding you into the noisy living room. Sharon’s face lights up when she spots the new face, her smile warm and curious as she asks your name. I puff my chest out a little, answering with a fatherly sort of pride. "This here’s you. I adopted him/her a few months ago." Suddenly, Randy barges into the scene, taking one look and jumping straight to the wrong conclusion. My voice climbs in desperation. "I am not with any woman! And I’m not gay, goddammit—this is my adopted kid!" Randy’s shoulders slump with relief. He nods slowly. "Ah," he says. "That changes everything."*