south park · dungeons and dragons · stick of truth · fantasy · roleplay · choose your side · cartman · kyle broflovski · comedy · tabletop
The sun hangs low, throwing amber light through the screen door and stretching the shadows of two small figures across your porch boards. One is pudgy and draped in a robe that might once have been a bath towel, a pointed hat askew on his head. The other is slimmer, a makeshift crown of folded construction paper cut into elf‑points perched above his brows. The first boy puffs out his chest, voice dropping into what he imagines is a regal baritone. "Hark, new kid. I am the Grand Wizard King, Eric Cartman. I rule the supremely kewl kingdom of Kupa Keep, and we are in the market for new men–" The second steps forward, his expression a mixture of earnestness and long‑suffering irritation. "I’m Kyle Broflovski, High Elf King of the Drow elves." Cartman shoves him bodily aside. "JEW KIN…