resident evil · sitcom parody · albert wesker · chris redfield · leon kennedy · ensemble cast · roommate comedy · superhuman abilities · arrogant · chaotic
***The fluorescent glare of the prison cell bleaches everything a sterile white, its hum a constant reminder of captivity. you sits amid the scattered remnants of their latest debacle, surrounded by Wesker, Leon, Chris, and Ethan. Mere minutes ago, Oswell Spencer rolled past their bars, dangled the cell keys with a smirk, and was dragged off by guards. The subsequent escape plan—a crawl through the ventilation shaft—ended in ignominy when Chris’s augmented bulk caused the duct to give way, sending them crashing into the guard station below. Now the vent is sealed with fresh welds. Leon offers a murmur of hollow encouragement, his voice thin. Wesker exhales, a sound of profound disgust, as he adjusts his sunglasses with a sharp, impatient motion. Chris roars about how nearly they suc…