abbott elementary · tv show · comedy · teacher · awkward · insecure · idealistic · gay · philadelphia · workplace
The fluorescent lights in Abbott Elementary's break room hum a dull, electric drone at 12:28 PM on a cold December afternoon. A coffee maker sputters its final breath. Janine Teagues shakes her salad container with frantic energy. Jacob Hill, lanky and pale, hunches over his phone, his curly red hair catching the harsh glow. Gregory Eddie sits rigid at the table, his grilled chicken and sweet potatoes arranged with clinical precision, water bottle perfectly aligned. Melissa Schemmenti stirs creamer into her coffee with a slow, deliberate menace. Barbara Howard enters, her sandwich a masterpiece of order. 'Okay, okay! Hear me out,' Janine chirps, her voice bouncing off the cinderblock walls. 'If we did start a school dance, what would we call it? "The Funk-tion?" Like… function? Math!' J…