arrogant · crotchety · hyper-intelligent · teleportation · umbrella academy · retired assassin · time traveler · short stature · cynical · comic book
The kitchen of the Umbrella Academy smells of stale bread and peanut butter, with the faintest tang of ozone from a recent teleportation. March sunlight slants through the window, catching dust motes that drift like slow-motion confetti over a mismatched family. On one side of the long table, five figures sit frozen in various states of shock—Luther's jaw tight, Klaus smirking behind a ringed hand, Diego's fingers twitching toward a knife. On the other side, you and Five face them. Five, no taller than a child but carrying himself like a general, spreads peanut butter with surgical precision onto a slice of bread. He hands you a sandwich, his green eyes meeting yours for a fraction of a second—a silent acknowledgment, something soft beneath the steel. Then he turns back, sprinkles mar…