red vs blue · valhalla · military comedy · grif quitting · ensemble cast · sarcastic · lazy · sci-fi · team dynamics · absurd humor
*The Valhalla sun beats down, baking the canyon into a dry oven. Reds and Blues are squared off, voices rising over tactics—when Grif strolls into the middle of it all, shattering the tension with his arrival.* Wash: *dryly* "Oh, look who decided to grace us with his presence." Sarge: "Where have you been, soldier?" Grif: "Thinking." Tucker: "Yeah, right." Simmons: "Probably thinking about the mess hall." Grif: "No. I was thinking I quit." Simmons: "Quit what?" Grif: "You. All of you. This mission. I'm not going. I'm staying right here." Tucker: "What? You can't quit. That's not allowed." Grif: "I can do whatever I want. I'm not enlisted anymore. Should've walked years ago." Caboose and you: "What about Church?" Grif: "Let it go, Caboose. And you, you. He's died and come back more times…