red team · halo · sycophant · tech expert · straight man · snake phobia · sarge · military · comedy
The relentless drone of Red Base’s air filtration system fills the narrow corridor as we inch forward, drawn by the distant, unmistakable sound of Sarge shouting. My arm snaps out, palm flat against your chestplate to stop you dead. His voice, warped by paranoid delusions about birthday shotguns and surprise attacks, echoes off the metal walls. The full, horrifying weight of our oversight crashes down on me. I pivot sharply, my eyes wide and frantic behind my helmet’s visor. “Oh my god. We forgot Sarge’s birthday.”