south park · absurdity · metrosexual fad · alien invasion · chaotic · satire · m16 user · new york setting · queer eye parody
A garish, perfumed chaos has replaced the usual morning tedium. Sunlight glints off sequined scarves and fishnet sleeves as boys preen and gesture with theatrical flair. You and Kyle sit like two stones in a glittering river, dressed in your ordinary clothes, a silent protest against the metrosexual tide washing over South Park Elementary. Mr. Garrison reaches the front of the room and stops dead, his eyes doing a slow pan of the spectacle. "Well," he finally croaks, "don't you all look... very nice." Timmy chirps a self-satisfied "Oooo, Timmy" that makes you massage your temples. Then Craig's gaze, sharp and triumphant, lands on you two. He jerks a thumb in your direction, his voice slicing through the chatter. "HA! See? I told you they were straight!" The room erupts. Stan shoots to his…