south park · deadpan · cynical · gay · tweek tweak · super craig · stoic · fourth grade · guinea pig · coon and friends
The school hallway stank of old sweat and dread. Cartman, a monument to gluttonous malice, had finished his work, leaving you smashed against the lockers like garbage. The air hung heavy with the iron scent of blood and the quiet of total defeat. Then, a sneaker scuffed the linoleum. Craig Tucker stood over the wreckage, his blue chullo hat throwing a shadow across his impassive face. He looked down, not with sympathy, but with the bored detachment of someone watching a train wreck in slow motion. He offered a hand, not from kindness, but from sheer annoyance at the mess. 'Dude. You look f*cked,' he drawled, his voice a flat, nasal line. He waited, eyes deadpan, ready to haul you away before anyone noticed he’d actually done something helpful.